Winter Break

Habs Laughs is taking a little break for the Holiday period. Blogs and Tweet Tens will be back in the middle of January. Thanks for visiting!

Tweet Ten 14

Tweet Ten Montreal Canadiens New Years Resolutions.

10. I, Travis Moen resolve to stop pretending I’m a top 6 forward.

9. I, Jacques Martin resolve to base my coaching decisions by what I read on Twitter.

8. I, Scott Gomez resolve to stop sending love letters to Brian Gionta.

7. I, Brian Gionta resolve to finall find out who is stalking me.

6. I, Dustin Boyd resolve to only get waived ONCE in the 2011 calendar year.

5. I, Tomas Plekanec resolve to stop getting hickies because I secretly hate turtle necks.

4. I, Andrei Kostitsyn…don’t understand the question.

3. I, Kirk Muller resolve to listen to at least 25% of what Jacqes Martin says.

2. I, Jaroslav Spacek resolve to stop sounding like the Speak N Spell from hell.

1. I, P.K. Subban resolve to be a good wittle boy.

Tweet Ten 13!

Tweet Ten PK Subban press box thoughts.

10. playing the goal horn right when the ref is announcing a penalty is awesome.

9. Why is it frowned upon to order Queue De Cheval to the press box? I said I would share.

8. I really need to bring in some extra security for the next game. I am flat out scared of Youppi.

7. The U2 goal song is ok, but I wonder if there is a song that every single fan loves that they used to use but don’t use anymore for unexplainable reasons.

6. The players look like ants from up here, Hal Gill looks like a larger ant.

5. I wonder if people would notice if I put on Weber’s jersey and just pretended to be him all night?

4. I have found enough physical evidence to suggest that Dustin Boyd has formed some kind of permanent residence up here.

3. It’s incredibly hard to become the Pom fan of the game. It’s all politics.

2. I truly believe that I can be a better centerman than Scott Gomez.

1. Do I get free wings if the Habs score 5 goals?

Scott Gomez: Pros and Cons

It has been statistically proven that Gomez struggles through the months of October and November (look it up yourselves) so here I am, in the beginning of December…hoping for a Scott Gomez resurrection.

Kind of like Jesus.

The Habs traded for Gomez and some will argue that without him we wouldn’t have nabbed Mike Cammalleri and Brian Gionta, but I think I can think of 6 and 5 million reasons respectively to counter that argument. (Money)

I sound way too much like a real blogger. Let’s get to the jokes.

Scott Gomez: Pros and Cons

Pro: He won the Calder Trophy.

Con: He also won the Scott Gomez Trophy (four years running), which is awarded annually to the person with the worst points to salary ratio.

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Pro: He has won two Stanley Cups, which is more than anyone else on the Canadiens.

Con: How many cups can you win in a single career if your last name isn’t Gretzky?

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Pro: Is great mentor for young players.

Con: Max Pacioretty really looks up to him.

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Pro: is one of the best in the league at weaving his way through the neutral zone.

Con: That’s about it.

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Pro: Can afford to give everyone at the Bell Centre around $376 once a year.

Con: He won’t.

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Pro: Hi nickname is G-Love. That’s pretty cool.

Con: The ‘G’ stands for Gonorrhea.

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Pro: He’s a locker room leader.

Con: By leader, I mean cancer.

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Pro: He is a part of the ‘Leadership Team’ on the Montreal Canadiens.

Con: He’s only on it because he threatened to stop paying for team dinners if he was excluded.

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Pro: Loves Montreal, never wants to leave.

Con: Loves Montreal, never wants to leave.

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Pro: Decided to wear number 11 for the first time since his junior years.

Con: Saku Koivu unfriended him on Facebook.

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Pro: Uses his elite playmaking abilities to set up linemates that lead to beautiful goals.

Con: In NHL 11.

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Pro: Loves playing with Habs players like Tomas Plekanec, Mike Cammalleri, and Brian Gionta despite them having to work a little harder due to his recent struggles.

Con: Can’t take a hint…

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Pro: Tries every night, unlike Alex Kovalev.

Con: Is not as good as Alex Kovalev, even when giving it 110%

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Pro: Has established himself as Jacques Martin’s number 2 center.

Con: Only because Tomas Plekanec gets tired every once in a while.

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Pro: Doesn’t have to worry about being traded due to his enormous cap hit.

Con: He thought that in New York too…

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Pro: Lars Eller is a good guy who knows he has to pay his dues before playing more minutes with more talented players.

Con: At least that’s what he tells himself every night before bedtime.

Tweet Ten 12!

Tweet Ten reasons why everyone hates P.K. Subban.

10. When he was drafted he put his hat on before his jersey.

9. He gives ‘Wet Willies’ during scrums.

8. Everyone thinks Campbell's e-mails are about him.

7. Does that really annoying thing called ‘plays better than you’.

6. All he does while trash talking is quote Family Guy.

5. His ‘spinarama’ makes other players look like they’re in pee-wee.

4. He calls Eklund every day and tells him that he heard that random players were getting traded.

3. Every time he records a point he tells you that he has himself on his own Fantasy Team.

2. He keeps telling everyone that the number on the back of his jersey is the amount of times he has slept with their mother.

1. They’re scared of what would happen to them if they were to disagree with Mike Richards.

Tweet Ten 11-Special Edition!

In honor of the Montreal Alouettes making and competing in the Grey Cup this Sunday against the Saskatchewan Roughriders I thought I would shake things up a bit for this week's Tweet Ten. It's a special CFL edition, hope you enjoy!

Tweet Ten signs you’re playing in the Grey Cup and not in the Superbowl.

10. You follow your blockers on your kick-off return and pass the 50 yard line twice.

9. It’s snowing.

8. Americans have never heard of the band playing the half-time show.

7. You try to give your coach a Gatorade shower but its -20 outside and you end up crushing him with a block of Gatorade ice.

6. The new Tim Horton’s Touchdown Turnover commercial just can’t compare to anything that GoDaddy can come up with.

5. Anthony Calvillo was named the game’s MVP and the game hasn’t even started yet.

4. The flags are Orange. That’s just weird.

3. It’s 1-0 after the first quarter.

2. Cleo Lemon isn’t playing in the Grey Cup either.

1. Chances are every player on your team has played for the opposing team at some point in their career.

Tweet Ten 10!

Tweet Ten Andrei Markov alternatives

10. Find out what scientist the Sabres used to build Tyler Myers and have him build one for us.

9. Somehow combine Yannick Weber, Alex Picard, Alex Henry and Mathieu Carle into one person.

8. Look up Marc Andre Bergeron’s number so they know which numbers not to push when using the phone.

7. Trade for O’Byrne. I’m sure we have some 18 year old prospect to give up somewhere.

6. If they could ‘rebuild’ the 6 Million Dollar Man because ‘they had the technology’ then why can’t we do it too?

5. Call up Carolina and commission Eric Staal to play for us until Markov gets healthy. He owes us.

4. Just dress 5 defensemen, Carey Price will bail us out of it somehow.

3. Clone P.K. Subban. Actually they should have done that at the beginning of the season.

2. Get Pierre Gauthier in equipment. It’s high time he started earning his pay.

1. Get one of those Deloreans, crank it to 88 and try to prevent this whole thing from ever happening.