Alex Trebek: Hello and welcome back to Habs Celebrity Jeopardy! I am your host, Alex Trebek and in case you are wondering, yes I am only here because Pierre Gauthier saved my life in Tijuana in the summer of ’82.
We’re all set to begin Double Jeopardy, but first, let’s take a look at how our contestants did in the Jeopardy round.
Carey Price finished with an astonishing -10,458 Dollars.
Carey Price: Just chill man, it’s only pre-Jeopardy.
Alex Trebek: I can assure you that the last round very much counted. Next we have P.K. Subban who managed to score a perfect 69 in the opening round.
P.K. Subban: Hehehe
Alex Trebek: Who wagers 69 on a daily double?
P.K. Subban: ppffffffhehehehe.
Alex Trebek: Is this because I keep saying 69?
P.K. Subban: *holding laugher* Yes sir.
Alex Trebek: I hate my life. Let’s move on to our final contestant, Scott Gomez, who has done surprisingly well and has amassed a total of 3,200 dollars for the Canadiens Children’s Foundation
Scott Gomez: That right Al-wait what?
Alex Trebek: You’ve raised 3,200 Doll-
Scott Gomez: No I heard that part, the last part about the charity.
Alex Trebek: Well Mr. Gomez, this is for charity….
Scott Gomez: I’m out.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Gomez I can assure you, the children do need this money very much! You are contractually obligated to finish the show!
Scott Gomez: What about me? What about MY needs?! Who’s going to clean the pool filled to the brim with the tears of Habs fans everywhere if I don’t keep bringing in the dinero?
Alex Trebek: I don’t think I should have to remind you, but you are a multi millionaire who continues to make an average of 7 million dollars every year.
Scott Gomez: …..Let’s play Jeopardy!
Alex Trebek: If you’re watching this, please stop.
Let’s take a look at the categories!
We have: YOUR JERSEY NUMBER, MONTREAL, ALASKAN MEXICAN RELATIONS
Scott Gomez: NICE!
Alex Trebek: THE NHL, EXPERTS EXCHANGE, for this one we will be talking about general managers and the trades they’ve made and finally; SAY THIS WORD, I don’t think I can explain it any better than that.
P.K., I believe you have control of the board.
P.K. Subban: I’LLTAKEMONTREALFOR400ALEX!!!!
Alex Trebek: My God! It’s like your mother’s breastmilk was infused with Red Bull! Here is the answer: This is the Hockey team that plays in Montreal.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Price?
Carey Price: Who are the Washington Capitals?
Alex Trebek: *stares blankly*….
The Washington Capitals is the team that plays in Montreal?
Carey Price: You didn’t say ‘who are’
Alex Trebek: for the love of God, someone kill me now.
Matt Cooke: Ok fine, turn around.
Alex Trebek: I WAS KIDDING!
Matt Cooke: Aw.
Alex Trebek: THE MONTREAL CANADIENS are the team that plays in Montreal.
Mr. Subban it’s still your board
P.K. Subban: I’LLTAKEALASKANMEXICANRELATIONSFOR2000ALEX!!!!
Alex Trebek: gah! For the love of all that is holy, tone it down!
P.K. Subban: ALWAYSON!!!!
Alex Trebek: The Answer: This is the Alaskan Mexican who plays for the Montreal Canadiens.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Subban?
P.K. Subban: WHO IS SPEEDYGONZALEZBUTHE’SALSOACRABFISHERMAN!?
Alex Trebek: I’m not even going near that one, anyone else?
Perhaps someone who is playing this game right now?
Scott Gomez: Who is Carey Price?!
Alex Trebek: NO!!
Scott Gomez: GAH!! It was a trick question!
Alex Trebek: No, it wasn’t the answer was you!!
Scott Gomez: Well when you say it like that you make me look like an idiot.
Alex Trebek: Why don’t you take control of the board?
Scott Gomez: sounds good! I’ll take Expert Sex Change for 400 please.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Gomez that clearly reads Experts Exchange.
Scott Gomez: You know who could go for an Expert Sex Change? That Alex Burrows dude. He’s always…chomping on extremities and….diving down to the lower body area….he wouldn’t even have to change his name.
Alex Trebek: Mr. Gomez, I-
Carey Price: Because Alex is a girls name too.
Scott Gomez: True say.
Alex Trebek: IT SAYS EXPERTS EXCHANGE!!!! ALRIGHT! Let’s just move on to Final Jeopardy!
The category is: Where do you play Hockey?
*Jeopardy theme begins playing*
You can write down; Montreal….Canada…..the world….a rink…anything!
And time is up! Let’s put an end to this, shall we?
Mr. Price, your answer?
Annnd he’s asleep!
Carey Price: zzzzzzNo PK, that’s not the kind of triple low 5 I was talking aboutzzzzzzzzzz
Alex Trebek: I am going to have nightmares about that for years!
That….appears to be a picture of you standing next to Los Angeles Kings forward Mike Richards…well in some strange way that counts…what did you wager?
Annnd the picture is you pulling out his brain directly from his head, charming.
P.K Subban: IHADALOTOFFUNTODAYALEX!
Alex Trebek: You probably have fun when you watch paint dry! Mr. Gomez?
You wrote… ‘Ice’…well, that’s brilliant, please tell me you wagered something good!
….You wagered negative One Billion Dollars?!
Scott Gomez: Screw the kids! Now they owe me money!
Alex Trebek: You horrible, horrible man.
Thank you all for joining us tonight, I am going to go stand next to a stanchion and hope it attracts Zdeno Chara.