Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I would have paid attention but...

The Habs were so pre-occupied with the fact that they were up 2-0 on the Sabres with fewer than 5 minutes left that most of them lost focus on the game and started dealing with other endeavours. The result of course led to Sabres comeback and to another frustrating Habs loss.

We asked the Habs players to finish this sentence:

‘I would have paid attention to the last 5 minutes, overtime, and shootout of tonight’s game, but I was too busy....’

Jacques Martin: .....looking at the vein on Lindy Ruff’s was mesmerizing.

Jaroslav Halak: .....trying to get the lighter that I was holding under my Carey Price voodoo doll to work.

Ryan O’Byrne: ....sitting in the penalty box, apparently hitting someone in the face with your stick is illegal. Hogwash.

Maxime Lapierre: ...laughing my ass off.

Mike Cammalleri: ...tweeting about how we won after my triumphant return!

Dominic Moore: ...trying to get away from Pierre McGuire...he kept calling me a Monster.

Hal Gill: Break-Dancing in front of the net.

Carey Price: ...thinking about what new apparel I was going to show off during my next start.

Scott Gomez: ...calling Travis Moen and telling him the score....he was in stitches! ...Too soon?

Andrei Kostitsyn: ...score two goals, I do enough.

M.A. Bergeron: ...preventing myself from shitting my pants on account of the fact that I still have a job with an NHL team.

Tomas Plekanec: ...texting my agent telling him that I’m for sure staying in Montreal. I sent him a different text 15 minutes later....

Benoit Pouliot: ....not being Guillaume Latendresse....that should be enough for you people.

The Sabres fans in the HSBC Arena: ...waking up.

Sergei Kostitsyn: I no understyand Kvestion.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Please Believe!

After the Olympics, I made a joke about Gionta, Cammalleri and Gomez going to a recording studio with Nikki Yanofski to record a Habs playoff push song called
Please Believe’. A few people asked me to write lyrics...and yes I always listen to what people on twitter tell me to do.

So here’s a behind the scenes look at the recording between the 3 superstars, and Scott Gomez.

Please don’t sue me Nikki.

It works if you listen to the song at the same time as you read it.

Link to real song-

Please Believe!

We cut in to the recording studio in which Mike Cammalleri, Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez, and Nikki Yanofski have just finished rehearsing.

How was that guys?

Gionta: I don’t know Mike...

Cammalleri: What was wrong with it?

Gomez: You should more singing and less monotonous crying.

Cammalleri: I get nervous.

Nikki: How much am I making for this again?

Gomez: Probably not more than I’m making- want to compare pay checks?

Nikki: Let’s just start from the top!

*Music begins to play*

Nikki: There comes a moment,

Where the city feels so alone,

On this lonely path of parity,

Ever since Roy found a new home.

Gionta: Sometimes when I’m skating down the ice,

And I see the d-men coming up,

I can’t help but thiiiiiink....

I’m really smaaaaaall.

But hey I make five mill,


Cammalleri: Please believe! We can make playooooffffs,

I mean come on we’re ahead by Seven pooooiiiintssss

Please Believe! We’ll make the playoooofffs

Please Believe, or I think I might cryyyyy.

Pierre Gauthier’s voice: I traded a second round pick for Dominic Moore.

*Second Verse*

Nikki: Fans have been waiting, for this moment since ‘05

To make the playoffs and get in deep enough,

For Lapierre’s beard to come to liiiiiiiife

In the Bell Centre there will be no doubt,

The fans; in drones they’ll come out,

And Embrace me to beeee the dude who wears the Ceeeee!

No nothing can stop me!


Gionta and Gomez: Please Believe! We can make the playoffs!

We swear O'Byrne won't score an own gooooal,

Please Believe! We’ll make the playoffs

Please believe or Gauthier might diiiiiiieeee.

Nikki: Please BELIEVE! They’ll make the playoffs!

Fatendresse will not weigh them down!

PLEASE BELIEVE! They’ll make the playoffs!

Please believe or elseee Plecaneeeeeeekkkkk

*Hockey players sing chorus in high pitched voices in background*

Nikki: Will wave goodbye!


Pleeekkkkkkyyyyyyy will waAaAaaaAaAave goodbyyyyyeeeee.

Gomez, Gionta, Cammalleri:
Please Believe! Once we’re in I promise that

Dead Silence follows the end of the recording.

Gionta: How did we do?

Cammalleri: I don’t think that was half bad.

6 wins in a row, and a hit single? Nice.

Nikki: Honestly?...I need to get a new agent.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Top ten ways the Non-Olympian Habs spent their Olympic Break.

A few weeks ago the world was watching the best of the best compete at the Olympic Games in Vancouver. As usual the marquee event was the Men's Ice Hockey tournament. While a select few of the Montreal Canadiens were chosen to represent their countries at the games, a good chunk was left with 2 weeks of free time.

Here are the:

Top ten ways the Non-Olympian Habs spent their Olympic Break.

10. Maxime Lapierre and Guillaume Latendresse re-united for a trip to Las Vegas. Things went sour when the duo hit the club scene when Latendresse took home 2 girls and Lapierre was left alone. It is evident that Lapierre still has no idea how to score.

9. Carey Price was in B.C. along with fellow B.C. native Ryan O’Byrne and Josh Gorges. Instead of participating in the festivities of the games the trio went hunting, fishing, and camping. The trip was a bust however; because Gorges has no shot, Price can’t catch anything, and O’Byrne is flat out scared of the dark.

8. Scott Gomez spent his two weeks in France sprucing up on his French. He got pretty good at it but when he returned to Quebec and tried conversing with the locals he found himself worse off than he was with no knowledge of the language.

7. New Canadien Dominic Moore spent his time getting acquainted with the city of Montreal. He loves the city, but is reported to be ‘day to day’ after he asked for a menu at ‘Cosmos’.

6. Matt D’Agostini spent the better part of the two weeks in seclusion with his agent. Together they prepared a contract proposal and a detailed plan of action to direct Matt in the right direction to enable him to succeed with the team. After D’Agostini presented his hour long proposal to his new GM he left the office fuming, yelling ‘who the #%$@ is Aaron Palushaj?!?!’

5. Benoit Pouliot and Glen Metropolit ‘TPed’ Brian Burke’s office.

4. Brian Gionta worked hard with a team of scientists to try and find out a way to transplant his brain into a larger body. They were unsuccessful in their attempts, and to make matters worse Gionta got home to discover that his wife forgot to record ‘24’ on the Tivo.

3. Roman Hamrlik and Jaroslav Spacek set to work on creating a tiny eastern European nation so that they could participate in the 2014 Olympics. Qualifications for citizenship? You have to be over 40.

2. Jacques Martin worked on ways to better improve defensive strategies with his peers. After a good 2-3 hours of planning he logged off of ‘World of Warcraft’ and went to work.

And the number one way the Non-Olympian Habs spent their Olympic Break:

1. Mike Cammalleri started a twitter account.

Monday, March 1, 2010

P.K.'s Journal

Hi, I’m P.K. Subban, Hockey player, all around good guy, and avid steak enthusiast. In case you don’t know much about me, I play for the Montreal Canadiens organization. I was drafted 43rd overall in the 2007 entry draft which should mean that there were 42 people who were deemed better than me by NHL scouts …but after my 2 game NHL performance I think we can greatly reduce that number don’t you?
I don’t mean to brag…but I’m pretty sure I’m awesome. I’m also pretty sure I have the all time record for Habs Jersey sales as of right now, and I don’t mean for a new player…I mean ever. Move over Gino Odjick.

You might think I’m cocky, but as the saying goes ‘it ain’t bragging if it’s true!’ and you bet your ass that it’s true baby, it’s damn true.

Anyways…I know that I got sent down to Hamilton (which blows...I don’t get how people do it, once I got a taste of the high life in the NHL coming back to diesel land is almost unbearable. I swear if it wasn’t for me being better than everyone I would be legit pissed off.) but I along with everyone in the world knows it’s just to play games while the best players in the world are at the Olympics. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the call to come back up soon…I mean why not right? I was electric, I was physical, and I was everything the players, fans and coaching staff want, nay NEED in a defenseman. I brought something to the table that hasn’t been seen in Montreal since Mike Komisarek was called up.

Did I just hit a nerve? Get over it. There’s no whining in Hockey…except if your names happens to be Sidney Crosby. (note: this was written before the Gold Medal Game, carry on)

So the reason I’m reaching out to you, my adoring fans, is because I was so excited about my call up that I decided to jot down every detail in what I like to call:


February 11th 2010-11:00 AM

Arrived in Cleveland for Bulldogs game against the Lake Erie Monsters, Coach Boucher (or as we call him, Captain Blood) pulls me aside and lets me know that I’ve been called up. Best part about that is that I get to leave Cleveland. This place smells like shame and Drew Carey.

February 11th 2010 11:03 AM

Coach Boucher announces the Call Up to the team, they give me a little clap and a
few whistles, which made me rummage around my bag for my ‘Applause’ sign…then and only then was my ovation appropriate.

February 11th 2010- 11:11 AM

Made a wish because it’s 11:11, my wish? That I would get called up to the Canadiens. Hey look it came true!

February 11th 2010-11:45 AM

Just got off the phone with my family in the hotel room they couldn’t be happier but my Dad told me not to let my head get too big…yeah right dad like that’s possible.
During conversation, roommate Max Pacioretty was too quiet, I might have heard a sniffle or two muffled by the pillow he was holding over his head…wonder why?

February 11th 2010-12:32 PM

Coach Boucher gives me my flight information and per diem for Montreal. Per Diem? I’m a rookie in Montreal playing for the Habs I don’t think I’ll have to pay for anything ever again.

February 11th 2010- 3:03 PM

My cab arrives to take me to the Cleveland airport, some teammates turn up to send me off. Most of them give me some advice including Yannick Weber, who shook my hand and told me to break a leg. I laughed at the joke but he clenched my hand and stared at me menacingly.

February 11th 2010- 3:52 PM

Arrived at airport and made my way through the usual lines. I can’t wait until I’m in Montreal and am recognized by everyone everywhere. Lines? Please! I’m PK Subban.

February 11th 2010 5:31 PM

On the plane! Not first class, but I’m in the bulkhead! This is the life. Flight attendant didn’t recognize me, but I gave her a rookie card and she gave me a free coke. That’s how it’s done.

February 11th 2010 9:12 PM

Arrived at hotel in Philadelphia to meet up with team, Coach Martin gave me my rooming assignment: fellow defenceman Ryan O’Byrne. It’s late but some players are hanging out in the hotel bar, I walk in and say hi to my new teammates, they’re pretty nice! Scott Gomez tells me I have to learn French, Hal Gill tells me that Montreal is serious and they nitpick over everything and that if I don’t play well I’ll be traded. I had to resist asking him why he was still on the team.

I ask them if they want to prank some players but they all say they’re tired and head to their rooms.

February 11th 2010 9:16 PM

Nobody wants to have fun so I head up to my room. I walked in to find an old man walking out of the shower buck naked, he looked at me and asked if I was here for turn down. I bolted out of the room to find half the team cracking up in the hallway.
Nobody pranks PK and gets away with it.

February 11th 2010 10:03 PM

Tired of thinking of things to write about for this journal, Ryan O’Byrne is nice but it turns out he doesn’t like it when you mention his own goal against the Islanders. He’s been in the bathroom for about 15 minutes now. I’m sorry Ryan, but man what a bonehead play.

February 12th 2010 8 AM

My big day! I could be playing in my first NHL game today. Markov and Gorges are on the bubble.

Speaking of Gorges, He got hit in the head with a puck against Washington and is walking around like nothing happened. Either he’s superhuman or Mike Green is a pussy and has no shot, not sure which one to go with yet.

February 12th 2010 10:07 AM

About to head on the ice for the morning skate, a few guys ask me why I chose 76 as my number. I tell them it’s because 76 is the amount of times their moms called out my name when I was in bed with them last night. They were not amused.

February 12th 2010 11:13 AM

Morning skate was great! Much different than in Hamilton, down there the coach actually makes us work.

February 12th 2010 4:00 PM

After a nice lunch and a good nap we arrived at the Wachovia Center for our game against the Flyers. The arena is nice, but the pictures of various Flyers delivering crushing hits to opposing players in the visitors’ locker room aren’t very feng shui.

February 12th 2010 5:15 PM

About to go out for pre game skate, we were delayed a few minutes when half the team started freaking out because someone put ‘fertilizer’ in their skates. NOBODY pranks PK and gets away with it.

February 12th 2010 5:45 PM

Got the word from Coach Martin, PK Is in the line up! Markov is out, Gorges is superhuman, and I need to call Mike Green and apologize.

February 12th 2010 6:07 PM

Game on! I’m sitting next to Hal Gill who will be my defensive partner for the evening. Coach Muller told me to put away to note pad and focus on the game, I told him to stop highlighting his hair because he looks like an old toothbrush.

February 12 2010 7:00 PM

My first NHL period is in the books! I Didn’t play much but I feel as if I left my mark when I was on the ice. I need to do a spin-a-rama before the game ends…

February 12th 2010 7:23 PM

Just did a spin-a-rama! I Drew a penalty in the same shift because I actually move my feet in the offensive zone.

February 12 2010 7:45 PM

End of the 2nd period. We’re down 3-0. Daniel Carcillo is a crazy person.

Dear rest of team, useful tip: play well, love PK.

February 12th 2010 8:09 PM

Point per game? I think so. I Just recorded my first NHL point. You’re welcome Dominic Moore; you can pay me back later. I take Cash, Card, and Check but I’ll need to see ID for the latter.

February 12th 2010 8:15 PM

Sitting in the penalty box, took a penalty for tripping…which is BS because all I did was put my stick between his skates and pull. Jesus!

February 12th 2010 8:21 PM

I just told Scott Hartnell to get a haircut. I wonder how many NHL players have told him that during scrums after the whistle. Note to self, start team pool about it.

February 12th 2010 8:33 PM

Game over, we lost 3-2. Team seems kind of down but I had a great time! The NHL is pretty awesome; the games are faster, the hitting is harder, and the crazies are crazier (Daniel Carcillo, certified nutjob)!

February 12th 2010 10:45 PM

At the airport with the team, getting ready to board for Montreal where I’m sure my adoring fans will be waiting for me upon my arrival! What a few days it’s been! I could get used to travelling by plane instead of by bus…even if I have to sit next to Maxime Lapierre I can’t understand a word that dude says.

I’m hoping to be a mainstay on the team for sure, and I’m expecting a call from Steve Yzerman telling me I’m replacing one of their D-Men on the Olympic team.

I can’t wait to play in the Olympics!

Later Fans!