Saturday, January 29, 2011

Things overheard at the NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft.

Well, the first ever NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft is in the books, and Habs Laughs was there with a few mics of our own! This is what we were able to catch from the festivities.


Carey Price: Last year he took a clapper from inside the circle…almost killed me. Hit the glass before I moved….so happy it missed my head.

Tim Thomas: Wow.

Carey Price: Yeah…

Tim Thomas (to David Backes): Do you know who this kid is?

David Backes: Shia Labeouf?


Paul Statsny: Really? Two first rounders?

Phil Kessel: Yep

Paul Statsny: And Boston is…

Phil Kessel: Still good without me yes.

Paul Stastny: Damn….enjoy the car dude.

Phil Kessel: *Sigh* Thanks.


Henrik Sedin: Everyone is expecting us to do some kind of Olsen Twins thing and switch places.

Henrik Sedin: You’re not Henrik, I’m Henrik.

Daniel Sedin: Oh yeah.


Alex Ovechkin: And they say ‘you shave and we give money’ so I shave.

Jeff Skinner: What’s shaving like?


James Duthie: Ladies and Gentlemen, your NHL ALL-Star rookies!

*General applause*

Mike Richards: I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! *Jumps out window*

Taylor Hall: Dude that’s probably your fault.

P.K. Subban: Ehn.


Eric Staal: If we don’t pick Chara, he might he might eat us.

Ryan Kesler: True.

Eric Staal: We pick Chara.

Nik Lidstrom: Hey Zdeno…are you going to eat us because we didn’t pick you?

Zdeno Chara:…..I might.


Matt Duchene: Come one man say it.

Jamie McBain: I dunno…

Duncan Keith: Say it!

Jamie McBain: Come one guys…


Jamie McBain: Fine!....Up And At Zem!

All: Aaaaaahhhh!


James Duthie: Hey Phil, Have you met Tyl---ooohhhhh right.


Henrik Lundqvist: So, was that a conscious decision to put those glasses on this morning when you left the house?

Jonas Hiller: Yeah…

Henrik Lundqvist: Just wondering.


Dustin Byfuglien: Kaner, Cap’s serious…we’re on the same team again!

Patrick Kane: Looks like it.

Jonathan Toews: Yep

Dustin Byfuglien: Ha-ha now Sharp is Byfuglien!!!

Patrick Kane: No…it’s still you.

Dustin Byfuglien: Awww…. Hey by the way, I still haven’t gotten my cup ring.

Jonathan Toews: I wouldn’t know anything about that.


James Duthie: So how does it feel to be an all-star again?

Martin Havlat: It’s best I not say or do anything at risk of my agent going on a twitter rampage.

James Duthie:….fair enough.


Brad Richards: Hey man, I’m glad I had a chance to talk to you.

Corey Perry: What’s up?

Brad Richards: I wanted to be the one to extend an invitation for you to join the NHL Two First Names club.

Corey Perry: Wow, I’m honored!

Duncan Keith: It really is awesome.

Tim Thomas: The perks are fantastic.

Rick Nash: And the women are off the charts!

Corey Perry: Uhh..

Rick Nash: Nash Bridges was a very popular show!

Tweet Ten rejected skills competition events.

10. The ‘Get Alex Kovalev To Try’ competition.
9. Head shot accuracy competition.
8. The Bruce Boudreau F bomb count!
7. The rookie spin-a-rama shootout.
6. The Guess what Ovechkin is trying to say competition.
5. The ‘Try not to score on Martin Brodeur’ contest.
4. The ‘Guess where Nabokov will play’ trivia game.
3. The James Wisniewski Mime showdown.
2. The Spell Cammalleri spelling bee
1. Chase the greased up mascot contest

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Actual Odds on Saku Koivu's return

Sometimes you just can't make comedy up...sometimes you have to find it in unexpected places...sometimes you have to wait for someone to tell you that something is funny....and that is what happened today.

Credit Matthew Ross, Radio Host on Game Points on the Team 990 (Sundays 6pm-8pm and Tuesdays 11pm-1am, also home of the Tweet Ten) for sending me this info.

You know that people these days will bet on anything. From the color of the post-game Gatorade dump to how many goals Martin Brodeur will let in within a 5 minute rock is left overturned.

Leave it to to make up some odds on the return of Saku Koivu tonight. Take a look at the lines below.

Will Saku Koivu (ANA) score a goal?
Yes +325 ( or 13/4)
No -450 ( or 2/9)

Will Saku Koivu (ANA) record a point?
Yes +140 (or 7/5)
No -170 (or 10/17)

Will Saku Koivu (ANA) be the first star of the Game?
Yes -150 (or 2/3)
No +110 (or 11/10)

What this is saying is that in their opinion Saku Koivu is favored to be the First Star of the game, but not favored at all to record a point in it.

Only in Montreal.

Go Habs Go.

Welcome back Saku.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tweet Ten Habs Commandments

Tweet Ten Habs Commandments-

Thou must abide.

10. Thou shall always blame the coach after a loss.

9. Thou shall never mention the coach after a win.

8. Thou art a douche if you put your last name on the back of your jersey.

7. Thou will go to hell if you ever boo Saku Koivu.

6. Thou must buy at least 3 copies of every Alex Kovalev instructional DVD.

5. Thou shall never forget the Huet/Aebischer tandem.

4. Honor thy Rocket and thy Flower.

3. Thou shall pretend that you are ok with $10 beers.

2. Thou shall always wait for Andrei Markov.

1. Thou shall always, ALWAYS, chant 67.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I Found Pierre Gauthier's Blackberry...Again!

Habs Laughs is back from vacation and guess what, I found Pierre Gauthier’s BlackBerry again!

Actual excerpts from Pierre Gauthier’s Blackberry. (disclaimer: previous sentence may or may not be false…it’s false)

BBM Conversation with PIN 672MF2134 Colin Campbell

Pierre Gauthier~Canadiens GM!: Dude, what the hell?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Sigh, hello.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Ok I have an actual issue, but I can’t let that slide…why did you actually type ‘sigh’?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Because you’re boring.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m boring?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Yeah Bob…you’re boring.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m not Bob Gainey.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: What?

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Can you read?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Selectively.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m not Bob Gainey, I took over for him a while ago.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Well I’ll be. Well anyways, what’s the issue?

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Your suspension of Mike Cammalleri.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Ah yeah…slashed a rookie or something.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Are you serious? Did you even see what happened?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Yeah I saw, he slashed one of the Neidermayers.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: My god.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Anyways, the suspension stands, Greg said so.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m sorry what?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: My son told me that Cammalleri didn’t willingly turn over the puck when they played against each other last season or something like that and I’ve been just waiting for an opportunity to take him out.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Are you seri-

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Shit! I just deleted the convo, can you repeat what you just said?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Nope!

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Rats.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: no no…Bruins. 2010-2011 Northeast division champs!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Hey Max, just want to let you know that you’ve been traded.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps


Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

I’m serious.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Stop texting me in English

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

That’s part of the problem…we don’t care what language you speak…we’re moving on, you’re not living up to our expectations.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

You can’t trade me! I’m Maxime Lapierre! I’m the only connection the fans have to a French Canadian hero!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Yeah, the self entitlement thing isn’t very attractive either. Besides Darche does twice what you do and doesn’t flop after every hit to boot.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Oh come on…I’ll get a degree! The University of Phoenix takes anyone!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Sorry Max, it’s done.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Where am I going?

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps


Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps


Text to list ALL GMS

Hi guys, I know it’s a long shot…but I’m looking to unload Andrei Kostitsyn. Looking for a roster player back…doesn’t have to be much. Let me know either way, thanks.

Text from Rick Dudley: No

Text from Peter Chiarelli: Not if you paid me….anything less than $1,000,000

Text from Jim Rutherford: Nope

Text from George McPhee: I’m famous now, how did you get this number?

Text from Bob Murray: I already too Lapierre, I’m not your trash can Pierre.

Text from Darcy Regier: No

Text from Jim Rutherford: I already have to deal with Samsonov.

Text from Dale Tallon: No thanks

Text from Lou Lamoriello: No, and I’m better than you.

Text from Garth Snow: Nah, I like the attention that comes with picking first overall.

Text from Glen Sather: HAHAHAHA

Text from Bryan Murray: Already took one of his kind off your hands, my job can’t handle two.

Text from Paul Holmgren: No, and hey…remember the playoffs? That was awesome for me.

Text from Ray Shero: Crosby says no…so no.

Text from Jay Feaster: I have a really good mediocre vibe going on here…don’t want to bring the average down.

Text from Stan Bowman: Nah…he’s not North American.

Text from Greg Sherman: I’m out of 2010 first rounders.

Text from Scott Howson: Non. Is that how you say it?

Text from Joe Niewendyk: Want Ribeiro in return? Didn’t think so.

Text from Ken Holland: Not a Swede.

Text from Steve Tambellini: I’m looking to have the exact same team for the next 25 years.

Text from Dean Lombardi: Nope

Text from Chuck Fletcher: Do you know how much food Latendresse eats? My catering bill has tripled.

Text from David Poile: …..eff you.

Text from Don Maloney: I don’t think he’ll like Winnipeg.

Text from Doug Wilson: Thornton can’t pronounce his name.

Text from Doug Armstrong: Still reeling after loss of Eller and Schultz, can’t afford to give up anything else.

Text from Mike Gillis: Does he have a twin brother?

Text from Brian Burke: Yeah sure!

Text to Brian Burke: Really?

Text from Brian Burke: No. But I’m going to sign him this off-season for more than market value.

Text to Brian Burke: Bastard.

Text from Brian Burke: I love myself