I Found Pierre Gauthier's Blackberry...Again!

Habs Laughs is back from vacation and guess what, I found Pierre Gauthier’s BlackBerry again!

Actual excerpts from Pierre Gauthier’s Blackberry. (disclaimer: previous sentence may or may not be false…it’s false)

BBM Conversation with PIN 672MF2134 Colin Campbell

Pierre Gauthier~Canadiens GM!: Dude, what the hell?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Sigh, hello.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Ok I have an actual issue, but I can’t let that slide…why did you actually type ‘sigh’?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Because you’re boring.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m boring?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Yeah Bob…you’re boring.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m not Bob Gainey.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: What?

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Can you read?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Selectively.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m not Bob Gainey, I took over for him a while ago.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Well I’ll be. Well anyways, what’s the issue?

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Your suspension of Mike Cammalleri.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Ah yeah…slashed a rookie or something.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Are you serious? Did you even see what happened?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Yeah I saw, he slashed one of the Neidermayers.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: My god.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Anyways, the suspension stands, Greg said so.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: I’m sorry what?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: My son told me that Cammalleri didn’t willingly turn over the puck when they played against each other last season or something like that and I’ve been just waiting for an opportunity to take him out.

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Are you seri-

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Shit! I just deleted the convo, can you repeat what you just said?

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: Nope!

Pierre Gauthier~Undefeated!: Rats.

Colin Campbell~Head shot count-0: no no…Bruins. 2010-2011 Northeast division champs!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Hey Max, just want to let you know that you’ve been traded.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

I’m serious.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Stop texting me in English

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

That’s part of the problem…we don’t care what language you speak…we’re moving on, you’re not living up to our expectations.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

You can’t trade me! I’m Maxime Lapierre! I’m the only connection the fans have to a French Canadian hero!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Yeah, the self entitlement thing isn’t very attractive either. Besides Darche does twice what you do and doesn’t flop after every hit to boot.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Oh come on…I’ll get a degree! The University of Phoenix takes anyone!

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Sorry Max, it’s done.

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Where am I going?

Text to 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Anaheim

Text from 514-404-0404-Max Laps

Merde.

Text to list ALL GMS

Hi guys, I know it’s a long shot…but I’m looking to unload Andrei Kostitsyn. Looking for a roster player back…doesn’t have to be much. Let me know either way, thanks.

Text from Rick Dudley: No

Text from Peter Chiarelli: Not if you paid me….anything less than $1,000,000

Text from Jim Rutherford: Nope

Text from George McPhee: I’m famous now, how did you get this number?

Text from Bob Murray: I already too Lapierre, I’m not your trash can Pierre.

Text from Darcy Regier: No

Text from Jim Rutherford: I already have to deal with Samsonov.

Text from Dale Tallon: No thanks

Text from Lou Lamoriello: No, and I’m better than you.

Text from Garth Snow: Nah, I like the attention that comes with picking first overall.

Text from Glen Sather: HAHAHAHA

Text from Bryan Murray: Already took one of his kind off your hands, my job can’t handle two.

Text from Paul Holmgren: No, and hey…remember the playoffs? That was awesome for me.

Text from Ray Shero: Crosby says no…so no.

Text from Jay Feaster: I have a really good mediocre vibe going on here…don’t want to bring the average down.

Text from Stan Bowman: Nah…he’s not North American.

Text from Greg Sherman: I’m out of 2010 first rounders.

Text from Scott Howson: Non. Is that how you say it?

Text from Joe Niewendyk: Want Ribeiro in return? Didn’t think so.

Text from Ken Holland: Not a Swede.

Text from Steve Tambellini: I’m looking to have the exact same team for the next 25 years.

Text from Dean Lombardi: Nope

Text from Chuck Fletcher: Do you know how much food Latendresse eats? My catering bill has tripled.

Text from David Poile: …..eff you.

Text from Don Maloney: I don’t think he’ll like Winnipeg.

Text from Doug Wilson: Thornton can’t pronounce his name.

Text from Doug Armstrong: Still reeling after loss of Eller and Schultz, can’t afford to give up anything else.

Text from Mike Gillis: Does he have a twin brother?

Text from Brian Burke: Yeah sure!

Text to Brian Burke: Really?

Text from Brian Burke: No. But I’m going to sign him this off-season for more than market value.

Text to Brian Burke: Bastard.

Text from Brian Burke: I love myself