I’m only 22, but I like to think I’ve watched a lot of Hockey. I’ve witnessed some of the great moments in Habs history (Donald Audette scoring after getting his hand chopped off) and some of the ‘lesser’ moments in Habs history (Saku Koivu getting blinded by Justin Williams). Because of my superior Hockey knowledge I was able to develop several methods that the Montreal Canadiens can use to successfully defeat the Washington Capitals in their quarterfinal series. These methods will work just as surely as the Chicago Blackhawks will lose in the Stanley cup final because they have Hossa on their team.
How The Habs Can Upset The Capitals.
-Bribe the Capitals’ nutritionist to add in KFC’s ‘Double Down’ as a mandatory addition to every meal.
-Once a day, slip a different season of 24 on DVD into the Caps’ locker room.
-Copy ‘The Simpsons’ ‘Pigeon-Rat’ idea and create Caroslav Prilak.
-Trick the kids on Washington (Backstrom, Carlson, Varlamov etc) that the Ghosts of the Forum are real.
- Find Marty McSorley’s Illegal stick, make dozens of copies and sneak them in to the Capitals equipment bags.
-Ensure that Jose Theodore is in goal for the Capitals.
-Watch ‘Rocky IV’ before every game.
- Have a team meeting in between the second and the third periods in which everyone says passionately where they’re from. This is to be followed by a speech from an old veteran, who opens a box and gives the team new uniforms.
-Have a few team members go out on the town with the local mob and convince them to bet heavily on the Habs.
-Have your leading scorer make some benign comments about the other teams’ starting goalie.
-Cover the blades of the Capitals’ skates with clear Hockey tape right before they get dressed, and then play the ‘Benny Hill’ theme song when they come out to the ice for the pre game warm up.
-Expose the roster to a liiiittle bit of Gamma Radiation, then get them pissed off.
-Win game one. If that happens Bruce Boudreau will be fired, Ovechkin will bolt to Russia...and we’ve got ourselves a sweep!
-Play better than them.
-Douse Ovechkin’s Hockey pants in superglue, he’s bound to sit at some point .....right?
-Inform Bruce Boudreau that he’s late for a commercial taping...in Japan.
-Avoid mentioning what occurred the last time the Habs won a playoff series around any of the players.
And the most effective method of all:
-Trade for Lecavalier.