Why Guy Boucher chose Tampa Bay over Montreal and Columbus.

The apocalypse is upon us! Everyone raid your local Wal Mart for provisions, board up your bomb shelters, and start praying to jebus...because the Habs messiah has jumped ship. Guy Boucher has agreed to become the Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. You may be asking yourself ‘Tampa?...wait...TAMPA!?’ While Tampa might be a team with a solid core and ugly jerseys...to Boucher they are so much more. Here are some reasons why Boucher chose Tampa over the Habs and the Blue Jackets.

- If he fails, nobody will really notice.

- Owes Steve Yzerman a solid after a wild night in Cabo.

- Rick Nash once told him McGill wasn’t THAT good of a school.

- Lecavalier, St. Louis, Veilleux and Tanguay all told him that the media doesn’t hold them ‘extra accountable’ for being French Canadian. In fact, they haven’t been interviewed about a game in ages.

- A Stamkos autograph was promised to Boucher by Upper Management.

- Lafleur gets all depressed when the fans start chanting for a different ‘Guy’...that’s why they traded Latendresse and got rid of Carbonneau!

- Nationwide Arena still smells like Ken Hitchcock.

- He is convinced that he can get Steve Downie to get that Lobotomy.

- Being the Head coach of the only Hockey team in Ohio is just way too much pressure.

- Tampa used their recent cup win as an incentive to sign. Columbus promised Boucher that they would try to win the cup every year if he signed with them.

- Boucher is a huge Evan Longoria fan and the chances of meeting him just went up exponentially.

- He’s scared to find out what would happen when the Fans in Montreal realize that he’s not that good of a coach and that it was the immense talent of the Bulldog’s roster that was the reason for their success.

- Knows that if he has a bad season, nothing can compare to Tortorella.

- Pierre McGuire left him a threatening voice mail, telling him that the Montreal Coaching job is reserved for him when his elaborate plan to eradicate all of the Montreal Coaching staff comes to fruition.

- Like the rest of the world, he thinks that Lightning storms are freaking awesome.

- Much easier to manage his underground gambling ring from Tampa...nobody will notice if he does it from there.