Sunday, May 16, 2010

What would you do?

Who steals a mannequin? Honestly, the douchebags who turned the party into a riot are terrible at looting. I was downtown for the post game festivities after the game 7 win and the second I saw a dude with no Habs colors on tip over a mailbox for no reason I was out of there faster than the Leafs were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. (Cheap shot, I know)

Who is to blame? The city. They closed off the most populous street in the city to all vehicular traffic and as a result thousands of Habs fans poured into that one mile stretch and turned it into Habs frenzy. We took advantage of the opportunity and’s Montreal, what else are we supposed to do? Our team just knocked off the reigning Cup Champs...two weeks after knocking off the Presidents Cup champs! The unfortunate thing is that where there is a massive crowd there are bound to be a few hundred hoodlums looking to loot, vandalize, and image-tarnish.

Habs fans don’t riot, we have fun and celebrate, douchebags riot (poorly, the footage of the looting is laughable). So all of you judgmental non-Habs fans out there ask yourself ‘what would you have done had your team done what the Canadiens did?’

Habs Laughs has a good idea of what would happen...they wouldn’t riot though...other teams’ fans would NEVER riot...

Anaheim Ducks Fans: Collectively work for months on a script for ‘D:4-NHL’ In Which Gary Bettman (played by Chuck Norris) convinces Gordon Bombay to re-unite the Team USA roster from D:2 and convince them to join the NHL in order to participate in the Stanley Cup Playoffs after the NHL Ducks’ plane gets lost on its way back from Vancouver (because Canada is far). They make the Stanley Cup finals, go to game 7, and can’t play because the team shows up on the eve of the game. Right before puck drop, the Ducks Captain (played by Matt Damon) allows the new Ducks to play instead of the NHL team. *Where is my Oscar?*

Atlanta Thrashers Fans: Wake up from the lovely dream they were having.

Boston Bruins Fans: Celebrate, but a few yahoos will go to the zoo and free all the bears as a joke. Headlines in the Herald the next day will read ‘Where’s the Bears?’ That dude will probably get fired.

Buffalo Sabres Fans: See ‘Bruce Almighty’ for the answer to this one....the Sabres actually win the cup in that movie.

Calgary Flames Fans: Continue to bitch and moan about how they got screwed in ’04. Prompting the refs to screw them in the upcoming rounds.

Carolina Hurricanes Fans: They won’t notice because they’ll be too busy rallying in order to get their organization to trade for more Staal Brothers. The Rangers can’t have two.

Chicago Blackhawks Fans: Be really legit about if your best friend beat you in a race or something.

Colorado Avalanche Fans: Say thanks to Joe Sakic for coming out of retirement.

Columbus Bluejackets Fans: Even I don’t know what they would do. That franchise has had less success than the Viagra suppository.

Dallas Stars Fans: Something along the lines of 

Detroit Red Wings Fans:
No celebrations until the cup comes home...they don’t even go to games unless it’s a cup clinching game.

Edmonton Oilers Fans: We’ll find out in ten least.

Los Angeles Kings Fans: Initiate ‘Operation McSorley’ and sneak into opposing teams rinks and take back all the illegal sticks they deposited in the opposing teams’ equipment bags.

Minnesota Wild Fans: Re-form the search party for Guillaume Latendresse who apparently disappeared after 50 games.

Nashville Predators Fans: Two words- Ho Down.

New Jersey Devils Fans: Finally give in to Brodeur’s request and begin work on the 50 foot statue he commissioned back in 2003.

New York Islanders Fans: Continue to pool their money and donate it to the
Islanders who claim they’ve found the cure for whatever injury Rick DiPietro has. The fans don’t ask questions, they haven’t won in forever.

New York Rangers Fans:
Be Obnoxious about it.

Ottawa Senators Fans: Celebrate in a mild and polite manner, lights out by 11.

Philadelphia Flyers Fans: Beat the crap out of several people, then maybe talk about how they knew they were going to do it for about a week.

Phoenix Coyotes Fans: Be sure to thank Mr. Bettman...again.

Pittsburgh Penguins Fans: Curse because they’d have to come back to Mellon arena again.

San Jose Sharks Fans:
Continue to rag on Joe Thornton for not doing anything.

St. Louis Blues Fans: Stay at the Cards game, it’s only the 7th inning.

Tampa Bay Lightning Fans: Die of shock as a result of their team winning without a Coach, GM, or Owner...regardless if they’ve been fired or not.

Toronto Maple Leafs Fans: The same thing they do after every win; plan the parade.

Vancouver Canucks Fans: Start multiple petitions to make Luongo the Coach, GM, and Mayor of Vancouver.

Washington Capitals Fans: Still pretend to care until Redskins training camp starts.


  1. lol @ the Avalanche one.
    Be thankful (or may be not!) that there is no rioting inside the rink during the game, soccer style.

  2. Good one! The Simpsons video for Dallas was great!