Friday, May 28, 2010

New Habs Products

Well the Habs have been eliminated from the 2010 playoffs but me typing this in late May rather than mid April is a feat on its own....right? The Habs accomplished a hell of a lot more than the world thought they would and as a result several companies have come a-knocking! If something is hot you have to take advantage of it. Thankfully Mr. Molson and his posse of advertising and marketing execs know this and have been working tirelessly with several outside organizations to take advantage of the Canadiens’ success. People outside of most of the NHL markets know who the Canadiens are now (thanks PTI!) and it’s high time for there to be some recognizable products out there with the Habs logo splashed all over them.

Here are some of the more popular products that are hitting the shelves soon!

The iHab- Being one of the world’s leading entertainment and technology companies; Apple has released the Habs Fans’ dream product. The iHab is the one stop shop for everything Montreal Canadiens. It holds a video library of every Canadiens game ever played, a game that puts you in the skates of the pre-game flag kids, and an exclusive app (similar to the t-pain app) that allows everything you say into the iHab come out sounding like the European player of your choice! A slight snag occurred in the marketing for the product when the black silhouette of Sergei Kostitsyn used in one of the commercials promptly sits down and demands a full minute instead of a 30 second spot.

Maxim Lapierre’s Ultimate Punch Out- Exclusively for the Nintendo Wii, Maxim
Lapierre’s Ultimate Punch chronicles the ventures of the young sparkplug as he makes his way across the NHL fighting league’s most prominent brawlers. Derek Boogaard, Daniel Carcillo, George Parros, Jody Shelley, and Colton Orr among other NHL Heavyweights are all in the game, but their presence is only there for Lappy to veer away from them and go after the weaker and smaller players. The game takes forever to beat as the game ends when you actually get Lapierre to fight.

New Iron Man Suit- Marvel has already gotten started on the third chapter of the
Iron Man series and have worked with the Habs to make a new suit for Tony Stark. The suit is a ‘trump card’ suit, meaning that when Tony is up against all odds and has only one chance at victory he dons this suit. Marvel says that ‘the suit is pretty much invincible. It never wears down, and it’s cheap to operate. Josh Gorges was nice enough to donate his entire body to the film as the suit itself is just Tony Stark immersed in Josh Gorges.

Old Navy Clothing Line- Old Navy called up Jeff Molson with an interesting proposal, and Molson jumped at the opportunity without hesitation. Coming the Fall, Old Navy’s 2010 ‘Back To School’ Collection will feature ads with Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez, and Mike Cammalleri. They will be playing teenagers in the ads, who are upset about going back to school until their moms come home with rad new clothes from Old Navy!

Montreal Canadiens Nascar- The Habs have upped some big cash and paid to be the main sponsor on a stock car in the Nascar circuit. The car is small, but packs a punch...kind of. No matter the driver, the car sits in the middle of the pack the entire race, makes a push for the top of the pack near the end, but fades out in the last ten laps to finish in the top 16. By some weird outcome the car finishes in the top 4 in Nextel cup rankings.

The Andrei Kostitsyn Invisibility Cloak
- Pairing with Warner Bros. and Harry Potter, The Habs have developed the Andrei Kostitsyn special edition Invisibility Cloak. Everyone will still be able to see the person wearing it, but the cloak is heavy and restricting, making the wearer useless in all situations.

Travis Moen Do-It-Yourself Suture Kit-Remember when Travis Moen looked like a baseball? The American Red Cross and Home Depot remember as well. In a combined effort the two organizations allow tough guys everywhere to emulate Travis Moen’s manliness and sew up their minor cuts themselves. We here at Habs Laughs know he didn’t sew himself up, but he would have if he didn’t have those bulky gauntlets on.

Jaroslav Spacek Speak ‘N Spell- Texas Instruments stepped up big on this one, bringing Jaro Spacek into the studio to record all 26 letters of the alphabet to be featured in this limited edition product. After 2 weeks on the shelves TI recalled all of them due to ‘excess creepiness’.

And the biggest earner...

The Carey Price Confidence Booster Shooting Target- Carey Price lends his likeness to this life size cut-out which pins up nicely in your standard street/ice net. Young players can practice their shot aim on Carey. As an added confidence booster, the kids (or kids of all ages) can enjoy the pleasures of every shot going in no matter what.

29 comments:

  1. Don't listen to them Mike, I laughed.
    Esp. the DIY suture kit & the Speak & Spell. :)

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  2. keep deleting you homo. still doesn't make your shit any funnier. it's just as crap.

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  3. Keep checking my blog to see if I commented on your comment. Thanks for the hits.

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  4. Ahaha! The Andrei Kostitsyn invisibilty cloak was my favorite. Well done.

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  5. Ahahhahaha this blog is fucking crap. Half your hits are how bad your blog is.

    take a hint fat ass.

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  6. @HabsLaughs For some good laughs, check out the comments section on my latest blog.

    ...

    Good thing, because your shit articles aren't making anyone laugh anyways.

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  7. Don't quit your day job. Bum.

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  8. I'm loving how all the critisism is from the same "fat ass" sitting at his house with nothing better to do than comment on a blog three times to claim how "fucking crap" it is.

    Funnily enough.. said "fat ass" isn't a habs fan, and wouldn't find it funny in the first place.

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  9. Love the Lapierre game!

    I went to do some errands the other day and saw a few things as well:

    • The Scott Gomez boat anchor;
    • The Jaroslav Halak pail, used to bail out a sinking ship
    • Benoit Pouliot self-disposing garbage bags, for when you're so stinky and rotten that nobody wants to touch you, even to get rid of you

    Nice work, and nevermind the big, brave donkeys who anonymously bash your stuff.

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  10. Re: Anonymous critics

    Bob McKenzie refers to these types of folk as "ass clowns."

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  11. Well.. in all honesty this really wasn't funny at all.

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  12. Hahaha, great stuff Mike. Loved it and keep em coming!! As for the idiots posting lame comments, they are probably just jealous that they can't make people laugh like you can. If they REALLY didn't like your blogs, why would they read them right? >:)
    - Stevo MTL

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  13. I have a product for Anonymous! A swift kick in the fat ass!

    Mike, keep 'em coming. Always enjoyable and smart.

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  14. I almost fell off my chair at the Speak 'N Spell! That would be entirely too creepy for children but I would buy it for the sheer entertainment value!
    Great work Mike!

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  15. Snore. this blog is the worst blog ever. It's existence is annoying.

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  16. and you are fat.

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  17. I like how 'Anonymous' is an option. Lucky for Anonymous, who would not know how to spell it.

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  18. Holy hell this is the worst blog EVER!

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  19. Clearly Anonymous is a troll, and the more we post to bash his (or their) miniscule I.Q., the more he'll / they'll post. I guess this is, in the end is good for our friend Mike, who reaps the reward of traffic on his site.

    But yeah, gutless pieces of garbage that hide behind anonymous labels are about as worthless as they come. I respect the Leafs and their fans more than I respect Anonymous trolling jerks.

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  20. @kyleroussel good to know you're a piece of shit.

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  21. My weekend is ruined. Anonymous has struck a mortal wound with the sword of epithets.

    Too....smart....vision...getting...blurry...

    *gah*

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  22. You're a funny guy, and I wish I had the time (and wit)to blog about something I feel as passionate about as you do.

    Ignore the haters, You aren't doing this for them.

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  23. Lololololol, funny blog + funny comments + "too chicken and insecure anonymous user posting kiddy comments" = great combination!!!

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  24. Don't listen to those losers Mike, this totally made me laugh! I loveD the Andrei invisibility cloak the best and the Lapierre game haha... Though I'm gonna have to take offence at the Carey cutout one lol seeing as I'm a huge carey fan

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  25. I want the iHab, but I'm pretty sure I can't afford it...

    Think you should pay Kyle Roussel a consultant's fee?

    Don't listen to the haters! You are appreciated and admired (at least by me).

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  26. To me, this is just the work of a poor man's DGB

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  27. nextel doesnt exist anymore....its sprint cup

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