Thursday, September 30, 2010

Challenge Accepted

A few days ago a Blogger by the name of Shmitzysays issued out an open challenge to the blogging community to select their top 12 forwards for this year’s Montreal Canadiens opening day roster. We’ve been staring at the pre-season for about two weeks now and all of us are extremely overqualified to make these selections by watching players from awkward camera angles and reading about them on the internet (where everything is super true and objective).

I for one know as much as the next guy/girl about Hockey and feel that I can put together a pretty good top 12. The catch is I don’t think Shmitzysays said I had to limit this to the current Habs squad, and if he did…well I just skimmed his blog anyways.

If playing the EA Sports NHL franchise has taught me anything it is that the salary cap is just a suggestion, every GM sucks but you, and the draft is useless; your players never develop and the only way to keep your team good is by trading and signing big name free agents (otherwise known as the Brian Burke method)

I’m going to put together a forward corps that will be feared by the league by filling it with the best players in the league….according to Homer fans who can’t see past their own nose. The best players who are the best because ‘He has incredible vision and always gives the Puck to Ovechkin/Crosby/Kessel/Etc’ will be on this team.

Obviously I’m going to have to get rid of several key Habs players…but they all suck anyway didn’t you know that?

So here we go.

New Season.

Salary Cap Off.

CPU Reject Trades Off.


You’re Cut:

Scott Gomez- Too short, too ethnic.

Mike Cammalleri- Too short, last name too many syllables.

Brian Gionta- Too short, way too short.

Andrei Kostitsyn- Too skilled, needs change of scenery to flourish.

Lars Eller- Name is Lars.

Dustin Boyd, Ryan White, Tom Pyatt, Jeff Halpern, Travis Moen- Care about the sport, give 110% every night. Who does that anymore? So 90s.

You’re Cool:

Tomas Plekanec- New contract, can’t make the GM look fickle. Also down payment on Turtlenecks is non-refundable.

Absolutely indispensable:

Maxim Lapierre- Obvious reasons

Mathieu Darche- Obvious reasons

Benoit Pouliot- Obvious reasons…kind of.

Welcome to the Habs: (use your imaginations)

Phil Kessel- God.

Nazim Kadri- Jesus.

Kris Versteeg- Cup experience.

Alex Burrows- Obvious reasons. Also He’s incredible and makes players like Daniel and
Henrik Sedin score 100 points a season.

Alex Kovalev- For some reason Habs fans love this guy. Would be awesome one night and terrible the next but would always plead his dedication to the team. Holy shit! Alex Kovalev is the Canadiens fan base personified!

Sergei Kostitsyn- Team player. Possible captain?

Mats Sundin- He owes us one.

Ruslan Fedotenko- Token player from European country that isn’t Finland, Sweden, Czech Republic, Slovakia or Russia.

So to put this in line form.

Line 1: Darche-Lapierre-Burrows
Line 2: Kessel-Kadri-Versteeg
Line 3: Pouliot-Sundin-Kovalev
Line 4: Fedotenko-Plekanec-Kostitsyn

Ca sent la Coupe!


  1. I would personally keep Plekanec and Gio just for the goatees. Turtlenecks and height don't matter to me. I'm all about style.

  2. oh nos... you created a monster, a line of leafs players!!!! hahaha, good stuff! :)