Monday, September 13, 2010

Pierre Gauthier's Off-Season To-Do List

Well the Off-Season is almost over with the rookies getting underway today....and Pierre Gauthier did a lot....kind of. While his moves were mostly low-key, he planned to do a hell of a lot!

I know this because I broke into his office and took his To-Do list. Kind of like how I found his Blackberry. (except this time I committed a felony)

The ones on the list he completed he filled in with black ink, the ones he didn't complete he left blank.


Pierre Gauthier’s Off-Season To-Do List

o Make sure Guy Boucher ends up with our coaching staff.
o Make sure Julien Brisebois stays with our front office.
• Make sure to remind cousin in Tampa Bay to put that flaming bag of dog shit on Yzerman’s front porch
• Let two hard working, undersized, over-aged forwards leave the team via free agency.
• Acquire one hard working, undersized, over-aged forward via free agency.
• Trade one of my goalies for a stable top 6 forward OR two forwards that will spark intense debate within the entire Montreal fanbase.
• Ensure that one of those forwards is good enough for fans to lamely reassure themselves that the trade was worth it.
• Trade away headache Sergei Kostitsyn to a weak market team
o Sign Dan Ellis, I have a good feeling about that guy. Seems like he can handle fan pressure well, also his twitter account is the balls.
• Let Marc Andre Bergeron walk, put robot puck shooter/pylon on ice instead.
o Trade slow developing defenseman Matt Carle in return for slow developing defenseman.
o Trade Slow developing forward Benjamin Maxwell in return for slow developing forward.
• Copyright the term “Pull a D’Agostini”
o Find a way to apply the Georges Laraque ‘Tek Savvy’ Ads to his real life contrac….I mean contract.
• Continue to secretly fund Guillaume Latendresse’s hypnosis . It’s the only way he believes he’s a good hockey player.
o Name Josh Gorges Captain
o Name Brian Gionta Captain
o Name Andrei Markov Captain
o Name Mike Cammalleri Captain
• Let internet fan polls determine captaincy
o Look into that Habs Laughs fellow. How does he keep taking my shit?


Some good news to report!

I was contacted by the host of Game Points, a show on the Team 990 radio station in Montreal. I'll be on the show doing a weekly segment called the 'Tweet Ten List'. It's basically a Letterman style top ten list. Debut segment is on Tomorrow night (Tuesday) at 11:25 PM!


  1. so now i have to HEAR this shit as well...?

    Ahh at least I can say congratulations. It'd be the funniest thing here still.

  2. Dude why do you keep coming here just to bash this?

  3. It's like an extremely unfunny Down Goes Brown wanna be.

  4. Now I get to hear Habs Laughs on Game Points! THAT'S FRICKIN' AWESOME!

    You're nowhere near as funny as DownGoesBrown, but it's worth it since you're a Habs fan.